Monday, February 06, 2006

A resolution: be honest about your feelings

Last night, at around 5:30 pm, I was scurrying up Parliament, headed home in time for kickoff, and let's face it, wings and natchos. Normally when people are being crazy or offensive I try to ignore it, unless it effects me directly. I've never accused anyone of being too polite, but sometimes I've been too timid about my feelings in the past and regretted it.
As I pass this middle aged man he stands in the middle of the sidewalk so that I had to walk around him and started making kissing noises at me. My first reaction was to hold my bag close and keep my head down and go around. When he started his second round of kissing while I was trying to walk around him, and started leaning towards me, even though he was still a few feet away, I changed my tactic. I 'Eww-ed' him. Then I checked to make sure the light was in my favour for a quick getaway.
No more mister nice guy for gross old men.

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

Two good things. (a) He wasn't a hoarker and (b) It was winter so no open toed shoes or sandals.

Jennifer said...

Oh yuk!
My mother had that happen once while wearing sandals on a vacation in the Middle East. She was just minding her own business and this guy hocks a loogie right between her toes.
That would send me right over the edge!
The boyf said it was too bad I didn't have a taser, but I'm not the violent type, and I'm trying not to get any assault charges.

sly said...

good for you jenni. next time try a "you're disgusting" and stretch it out: "you're disguuuuusssting"

Trib said...

I always just wonder, what are they thinking? What do they think is going to happen? I guess they could just be getting off on intimidating women.

Jennifer said...

I have no damn idea what they are thinking. Is anyone prepared to own up to doing this and can you tell us your motivations?

yrautca said...

I am sorry to hear it jennifer. I hope you carry some kind of protection like a spray or something. Just dont carry it when I am visiting Canada.

Jennifer said...

Yrautca,
Ummm... I live in or near one of the toughest/poorest neighbourhoods in Canada (maybe top 5). There is an area a block from my house that has the highest population density in Canada, it has the same density as Manhatten and it's subsidized housing. But yet, I would still never consider carrying a weapon. I don't like to come off as Anti-American, we just don't have the problems here to the extent you do there. And I think that most of the problems stem out of the presence of weapons (and systematic racism and lack of social programs - but we'll talk about those some other time), so why would I carry a weapon myself.
This guy was totally nasty, but also harmless, it's just the price you pay for living in a city where you can have food from anywhere in the world at almost any time if day. (I can buy Injera, Ethiopian flatbread, at the corner store right next to this amazing Caribean place.) Where you can meet a person from any part of the world while riding to work on an efficient public transportation system. And if the price I have to pay is that I have to occasionally deal with dirty men and people who are a little nutty, and pay an arm and a leg in rent for the privilege, then I'll gladly pay it. Well except the rent, they're raising it and the boyf wants to get a cheaper place, I don't want to move.

Princess Pessimism said...

LOL...."Ewwwww" is always good. Speaking of EWWW....a man in the library today had a "rat-tail"...CAN YOU IMAGINE?? It's 2006!!! I couldnt even handle it...too funny.

Jennifer said...

Was it an ironic rat tail? Because I feel that it might be amusing if you were some kind of urban cool kid, to try to bring the rat tail back, but if it was serious, then that's even funnier.

yrautca said...

Jennifer it seems you live in a very interesting neighborhood. Good for you. Also seems you have political ambition. I honestly think you should think about running for office some day. I dont know much about you but from what I know you have what it takes. You are driven, you are smart and you know the issues. Plus you have a conviction. Yes I can tell from your words.

I am worried about moving to the city. Last time I went to sign my lease I saw so many strange people. Men dressed up as women. Guys walking around in underwear. I know as a guy I can take care of myself but it still shocks you at first.

Jennifer said...

Thanks Yrautca, that's really nice of you to say. I do think that public service is very important and I probably will run for politics one day, at the moment I don't really feel like I know enough yet about the issues, perhaps I'm hoping that wisdom will come with age. On the other hand, perhaps I'm just hoping that one of my friends will run so I can be the guy behind the guy - a much more comfortable roll for me - like Piggy from Lord of the Flies.

As for mving downtown and all the strange people, my advice is:
Those people want to be left alone to do their weird things and be their weird selves just as much as you want to be left alone to do your boring MBA normal things, I'm sure they wouldn't dream of bothering you no more than you'd dream of bothering them. If any of them were to bother you, you should probably point that out to them. I think that you'll find that the misfits are much more likely to be tolerant of you than you are of them, so don't worry about it. You feel like they are looking at/judging you, they feel that you are looking at/judging them, try smiling it takes the judgement element away, that might be hard initially, but it will come. What I didn't say about my neighbourhood is that it's the gay neighbourhood in Toronto as well, we're one of the only straight couples in the building and I ride the elevator with queens, bull dykes, people whose gender is not immediately ovbious and it's great, no problems.
There's a story I'd like to tell to illustrate my point. We had a friend who was a DJ, and we'd often go to whatever bar he was spinning at. Sometimes that meant that we'd go places that were kind of freaky. On several occasions we went to fetish parties because he was spinning there. Now, for those of you who don't know, fetish parties can attract a pretty interesting crowd, from Goths who just like to dress in leather and PVC, to S&M enthusiasts, they would sometimes have a dungeon in the back room. (Hey did everyone hear that swinging in swingers bars is legal in Canada - Woot! Woot! for sexual freedoms!) One night we were at a fetish night where they got a volunteer from the crowd and tied him to a crucifix and pierced his penis. So suffice it to say, most people would have been really freaked out by being in this environment. The next night we went to a bar called the Brunswick house, it's a University of Toronto institution which is always packed with frat boys and their ilk. Now, you would imagine that a person would feel much more comfortable surrounded by Abercrombie and Fitch than leather and latex, but it was totally the other way around. When everybody is half naked and at a fetish night they are actually much more respectful of eachother's personal space and are more polite and concerned about consent and give eachother a much more wide berth, whereas in a bar full of frat boys, who were fully dressed, I got groped and molested on the dance floor to the point that I wanted to leave. If I'd never gone to a fetish party, I'd probably just think that these people were freaks, but the point is, that while they are freaks, they are freaks who are very nice and just want to be left alone to pursue their freakiness, and if you aren't interested in participating, then that's just fine with them. They aren't recruiting.

yrautca said...

Thanks jen. That was good info.

yrautca said...

i am sure they arent recruiting but still it gets a bit getting used to. i have nothing against other lifestyles. and according to you i am a pervert myself ;)

looks like the penis piercing left a deep impression on you, eh?

Jennifer said...

You'll be used to it in no time, and then your friends will come to visit you and you'll say a casual friendly hi to the tranny hooker on the corner and your neighbour who only wears underwear and go into your apartment and your friends will be completely incredulous.

As for the penis piercing, I think it left a deeper impression on the guy! I have to admit, I have a strange facination with piercings in unusual locations, but I'm also really wary of them. The skin is the first line of defence against infection (this is my mantra). So if you have your penis pierced, are you increasing your likelyhood of and STI, I'm not suggesting that they are promiscuous, I'm just saying that you can catch an infection more easily through broken skin. And for that matter, I want to see a study on the effectiveness of condoms for people with pierced genitalia. There hasn't been one and there should.

yrautca said...

jennifer, you perverted naughty woman. i will admit having a masochistic streak but not to the extent of puncturing my penis/balls. sorry to disappoint.

Jennifer said...

Yrautca, you're so weird, I'd never suggest that anyone pierce anything. Ask anyone.