Wednesday, March 29, 2006

By popular demand...

Trib wrote a post recently that reminded me of this story. So on his request, I'm going to tell it here, much to the mortification of the subject of the story, if she ever reads this.
Sly will remember this story and some of the rest of you who know me in real life, may have also heard the story. Correct me if I'm wrong on any of the details.
The main character of this story is a girlfriend of mine who has since become a teacher and bought a house and is normally a very respectable person, we'll call her "The Pony."

The Pony was moving out of the apartment she lived in with her roommate after graduating from university. The Pony's roommate and her roommate's boyfriend were helping her move. The Pony's father came into town to pick her up and drive her and her things the 5 hours home. Now the Pony's father is a nice guy, but a rather serious man.

Once all the bits and pieces had been removed from The Pony's room, The Pony's father and her roommate's boyfriend went into the empty room to pick up her futon and carry it out to the car. When they pulled the futon away from the wall they both saw a day-glo green used condom on the floor by the wall that had previously been hidden by the bed. The Pony's father said, "What's that?" The roommate's boyfriend, knowing full well what it was (and likely was kept awake the night it ended up there) said, "I don't know, sir, I think it's one of those panty hose." Then the roommates boyfriend started pushing the bed out the door forcing the dad who was holding the other end of the bed out the door too. As the two guys are passing through the living room the roommates boyfriend catches The Pony's eye and starts gesturing his head wildly that she should go into the bedroom, that something is horribly amiss. The Pony goes in the bedroom and sees the horror. Her dad found a condom from a night of lovemaking so intense that they didn't even have time to get up and dispose of the condoms properly. Lovemaking, so prolonged that they lost count of how many condoms they used. The Pony later told us that they had used so many condoms that night that they had lined the condoms up on the slats of the futon frame, and that when she had been clearing up the next day, she had just missed that one.
Meanwhile, the roommate's boyfriend and the dad are out by the car having just stuffed the futon inside, taking a breather. The roommate's boyfriend tries to take the dad's mind off of possibly realising that he had seen a used condom on the floor of his little girl's bedroom by pointing out a voluptuous jogger who was going by and smiling. The dad just glared at him.

9 comments:

Trib said...

Hahahaha! Parents always know more than we give them credit for, I'm glad they don't call us on it more than they do.

yrautca said...

Funny story. Why would you call her pony?

Miss Ash said...

Such a good story )

Princess Pessimism said...

how akward. I remember being in st. catharines one summer many years ago, me and someone *i'll refrain from using names to protect privacy*, anyway, we went for lunch, and shopping in Port. This was before the dawn of cell phones, so we had to use the payphone to get our friends to meet up with us.

Anyway, I'm on the phone, and all of a sudden, this person is standing beside me, holding an unrolled condom in her hand *I do NOT know if it was used, or just unrolled*, but this person had no idea what it was....And I screamed at them to put it down and go wash their hands immediately. Thankfully, there was a washroom right there....but like I said, we were very young...

paul said...

when I was in grade 5 we found a used condom in the schoolyard and the teacher on recess duty chased us around with it for the next 10 minutes...I don't think he could have gotten away with that today.

Jennifer said...

You know, I can see PP's story where the person who picked up the condom didn't know what they were touching (email me the unfortunate person's identity), but Paul, your teacher? I'm assuming that you didn't go to a catholic school. Isn't it their job to teach you not touch those things?! The year you were in grade five would have still been in the later 80s, still strongly within the realm of AIDS, ugh *shudder* that's so gross. Did you go home and tell your parents? That's one way of getting out of doing recess duty forever.
Let's do an experiment, all the other school teachers reading this, I know of at least one, try this and let me know what happens!

Jennifer said...

And Yrautca, I can't tell you why I called her The Pony, because your mind is too dirty and my mom could be reading this.

sly said...

classic!

Jennifer said...

I was reading the archives of Ananova.com and found this, bleh, would you still eat anything at all?:

Woman found condom in loaf
A Slovakian woman says she cut into a loaf of freshly baked bread to find a condom inside.

Petra Zeleznikova, from Zilina, said: "We had just sat down to eat the bread which I had bought that morning from the local supermarket when I saw something rubbery inside it. When I pulled it out it was a condom."

She added: "It was really disgusting. Obviously someone had decided to play a joke but that's not the sort of thing that belongs in a loaf of bread.

"I'm just glad it hadn't been used. We had to have our eggs without any toast that morning."