Friday, March 09, 2007

Keep it in your pants!

Holy crap! Would people please stop having babies! Everyone I freakin' know is knocked up.
I have to say that I'm not super keen on the prospect of having babies, but I have actually considered parenthood. I'm just trying to figure out how to get one that's already toilet-trained and won't stick its little finger in electrical outlets. I'd rather one that was 3 feet tall or bigger (not at birth, obviously).
Alternately, I've been considering the possibility of having no children and skipping straight to being a grandparent, where the real fun is. Unfortunately, there are logistical issues there as well.
The most likely route between my present situation and some responsibility for a minor, would be one of my slutty irresponsible friends (you know who you are) having a baby and pawning it off on me - which would suit me just fine, because I don't think I'd enjoy giving up drinking, caffeine, soft cheeses, cold cuts and tuna. If I had a baby, it would be underweight, have fetal alcohol syndrome, and the shakes from caffeine withdrawal.
Perhaps, I should just take in some children who were thrown out of their houses when their intolerant parents realised they were gay, I live in the right neighbourhood for it, and I already march in the parade.
Seriously though, what's the deal with everybody and their uncle being pregnant lately? Am I the only one?

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Doesn't your mother already have enough of your own laundry to do without the additional burden of diapers and barf stained sleepers?

Jennifer said...

shut up mom!

Jennifer said...

seriously, bill, if i did have a baby, i'm bringing the dirty diapers straight to your place, with the barf stained sleepers ...with the little brat in them.

Miss Ash said...

Ugh i know. Two of my friends have had children and another one is on the way. Weddings, babies bleh!!

Heather said...

I'm with you guys. I fail to understand the appeal of having a baby. My furry baby is all I need.

Px said...

my uncle's not pregnant
i'd be worried if he was though...

i've had a bit of a trial run as the ex had a sproglet, and it wasn't as daunting as i had imagined it would've been

sly said...

who the hell is pregnant???

meredith said...

I'm with sly...who the hell *is* pregnant? I'm not, by the way.

Jennifer said...

Everyone I work with and and now one of my cousins.

Anonymous said...

You have to watch out for those toilet seats. :)

Jennifer said...

Anonymous, what have you been doing on the toilet seats that you think I need to watch out for? Pervert.

Jennifer said...

So, I was looking at a friend's blog about being a new mom. She had this long saga about trying to cut dairy and soy out of her diet because the kiddo is intolerant and it gets passed through her breast milk. She kept slipping up with some minor ingredient or not being able to to eat anything in restaurants, and was having a hell of a time with the whole thing. Every time she had anything with soy or dairy, the kid would be totally miserable, wake up in the night crying, upset stomach...
I have to admit that the first thing I thought of was, why don't you wean the little bugger and buy babyfood and formula that's soy and dairy free, then you can eat what you want.
Either I'm the only sane one here, or, I'm not cut out for parenthood, I can't tell which, maybe both.