Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Bullets on the Sidewalk and Jizz on your Shoulder...

So here are two stories I was reminded of today while I was reading comments on other blogs...
First, bullets on the sidewalk, I was reminded of this while I was reading Linny's blog today about treasure hunting.
I had a one day layover in Atlanta a few years ago with my brother and cousin, we were on our way to visit our childhood friend who was serving in the marines in California. We decided to see everything we could see in one day in Atlanta, we settled on the Martin Luther King museum, the CNN tour and the Coke museum with a food stop at Waffle House (I like my hashbrowns "scattered, smothered and covered") Oh Waffle House how come you don't exist in the great white north, and is there a correlation between rising obesity and areas where restaurants like Waffle house exist? But I digress, this story is not about the wonder of Waffle House.
We left the airport and took the subway to the stop closest to the MLK museum. We walked over there from the subway, the neighbourhood looked kind of cracked out, but hey, I walk through bad neighbourhoods in Toronto all the time, so whatever, Americans are afraid of their own shadows. We get there without incident, have an amazing visit there, you should all go. Then we walk into the downtown and head over to the CNN museum. Now I always keep and eye on the ground when I'm walking around. Being and archaeology and anthropology person I know there's a lot to be learned from what's on the ground. So as we are walking I spy a spent bullet in the crack of the sidewalk. This may be a common sight in American cities, but for me it's really interesting. I look around to see if there is any police tape anywhere. I stand there for a minute and then I decide that it's going to make a great souvenir. I pick it up, put it in my pocket and keep going. We get into the CNN building and buy our tickets. The tour starts and our tour guide leads us down a long narrow hall, we turn a corner and all of a sudden there's a metal detector there and they are searching everyone before they will let them start the tour. I have this moment of panic. What are they going to say when they search me and find this bullet in my pocket? What kind of explanation can I possibly give? The true answer is, "I'm fascinated by the social deterioration that has occurred in your urban areas in the last 30 years and I wanted a souvenir to take back to my friends and relatives." I felt like that might not go over very well. Anyway, I walked through the metal detector, it went off, they had already searched my purse, so I grabbed all the change out of my pockets and the bullet, tossed them in the purse and went back through and was allowed in, never having to explain the bullet. I still have it too. We did the tour, went to the Coke museum and drank ourselves sick on free Coca-cola products and took turns in the plane bathroom all the way to California.
Afterwards, everyone told me that I shouldn't have been so worried about the bullet, and that I just could have said that I'd been shot and they'd dug the bullet out of my body and that I carried it around as a souvenir or something like that. That Americans wouldn't' be phased by someone carrying around a bullet in their pocket, but caught off guard, there is no question that I would have said something that would have pissed them off, and I don't want to be shot.
Second story, Ash reminded me of this when we were talking about going to the sauna in my building. My building is in the gay neighbourhood in Toronto. Which is also the backdrop for the North American Queer as Folk, the neighbourhood, not my building, although I know so many people who have been extras and had small parts. So my building is very gay. Also I used to work with a guy who lived in this building years before I moved in and he told me this story.
He was sitting in the men's sauna of the building trying to relax. The saunas have a high bench and a low bench. My friend, Chris, was sitting on the low bench and there were two guys sitting up behind him on the high bench. The two guys were up to something, but Chris was just trying to ignore them and mind his own business. And he was actually doing quite a good job ignoring them until something sticky and wet hit his shoulder. Yes, he'd been jizzed on! And that is the reason that the boyf is not allowed to go to the boys sauna in my building.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

TMI (Too Much Information!) EWWWW
Says the G.F. laughing his head off.

Miss Ash said...

I'll wear my parka when we go in this weekend if i come up, and a protective helmut just in case.

Jennifer said...

I don't think you need to worry to much about contact with semen in the Women's sauna, but maybe if there are any squirters in there Ash!

Miss Ash said...

Maybe i'm a squirter lol

Lindsey said...

Oh you've got to love Atlanta. I don't go inside the Perimeter much (meaning downtown Atl) b/c the traffic sucks. There are cool places to go but a lot of it IS cracked out.

I think I might make an exception in a couple of weeks when I go to the new aquarium.

yrautca said...

Oh Jennifer those were nice choices to sightsee in Atlanta. Used to take the MARTA to GA State when I was there. Coke museum is nice. CNN is nice. Didnt know you didnt have Waffle House in Canada. What are you doing in US anyway? Waffle house is good but its fattening. You made me want to go back home to ATL.

Princess Pessimism said...

Ashley, I think I can speak for everyone when I say EWWW. TMI love....TMI. Even if it's not true, that's something I dont ever want to think about again. LOL!

Sexy Suburbanite said...

Ewww!! If I was in a sauna and the other people in there were "up to something" I would be out of there soooo fast!

Jennifer said...

A natural and healthy reaction, S. Subs.