Friday, January 20, 2006

The Poo Diaries

My friends have this hilarious tradition where we describe incidents of unusual bowel movements as the Poo Diaries. Every installment of the Poo Diaries must begin with the date.

January 20th, 2006
I started the Master Cleanse today. You drink a laxative tea at night before bed and then you drink salt water in the morning. If you can't drink the salt water you can have another cup of laxative tea. Then for the rest of the day you drink a lemonade concoction.
So last night I drank my laxative tea, I couldn't drink the salt water, so I had more tea and then hung out near the bathroom for a while. Mid morning I got ready to go out and buy some ingredients for the cleanse juice. I walked down to Kensington market, that area rocks, they have everything you'd ever need for cheaper than anywhere else in the city. I found everything I needed and then started walking home... then I started running home. The lock on my front door sticks, I was fumbling with the key, trying to use my fist to jam it into the lock, throwing my shoulder into the door. I finally fell in the door, leaving the groceries in the hallway and made it to the bathroom within seconds of an accident. I think I'm going to try to stay near the toilet for as much of the weekend as possible. Unfortunately, I'm volunteering tonight in an area that's a far from the public toilets. I'm going to be sure to have cab fare with me in case I need it.
On the flipside though I'm really liking the taste of the laxative tea, the cleanse juice is quite tasty as well, better than I thought. So I think I can do this thing and get that plaque off of my bowels.


Anonymous said...

Enjoy your writing skills and you keep me in stitches. However, is this topic genetically related? I'm thinking of my 90 year old Irish American mother.

Jennifer said...

I started responding to this comment, but I loved it so much I decided to make it it's own post.

sly said...

okay, so you won't post questionable gossip, photos, or otherwise start shit on your blog, because you're feigning respectibility, but you'll talk about shit? this has all gone too far...

Jennifer said...

I've never been respectable for a moment in my life. The only things I won't post on here is stuff I don't want my family to know about and stuff that might get me sued. If you have anything you want me to post that conforms to those simple guidelines, then let 'er rip!
Besides, I love to talk about poop!

Sdit. said...

Tee hee you said poo! ;)
That's hilarious and disconcerting and intriguing all at once!

Maybe I should try it out myself...but it sounds painful