Monday, March 20, 2006

Twenty-something malaise

On Friday I got a call from my dentist that I had an appointment on Wednesday afternoon. By this point it was too late to call and cancel the appointment, as my dentist (along with everyone else from my old neighbourhood) shuts down early on Friday night for Shabas.
So today, at lunch I was flossing my teeth after eating, and suddenly I remembered that if I wanted to cancel my appt without being charged I had to call within 2 business days and depending on what time the appointment was supposed to be on Wednesday, I was down to the wire.
So I call them up, it's less than 2 business days, I beg, I worm out of the appt without paying. Then we start the negotiations for rescheduling my appt.
The dentists office is in the north part of the city and I work in the south part. The city is a rather sprawling one and this is not a direct commute, so I need to give myself a lot of time to get there. I get off work later than 5, but I can take a certain amount of time out of the day for an appointment. So the receptionist starts saying is 3:10 to early. I say hell yeah, she's looking later and later in the year trying to find a day when my hygenist is free late in the day. As she's doing this, I'm remembering when I made this appointment, it was when I had my last job and I was working near my dentist's office, getting there would have been a breeze, but the job was horrible, awful, you all know. The receptionist says to me, next time you're here, make your next check-up for late in the evening. Implying some sense of predictability in my job situation, that I might know 6 months ahead of time when I'm going to be free. I felt like crying in frustration. It seems like a small thing, the dentist, you go twice a year, it can't be that hard to slot in, but it brought home to me the frustration of not having any sense of stability at work, it made me feel unwanted in the work world. I'm smart, I'm well-spoken, I'm personable at work (if not at home). Why can't I find a job, when will I figure out what I want to be when I grow up? I fucking hate this.
If I can't get this sorted out, then I need something in my life to take my mind off it. Some kind of hobby, a cause, something to do that will make stupid, temporary, mind-numbing work seem less unbearable.
Why can't my fairy employment mother come down and grant me the perfect job already?


yrautca said...

Ok first of all, nobody knows 6 months in advance when they will have free time. Secondly, I have a stable job and still I get the same frustration as you do when making appointments etc. you are not alone.

As for your job situation, I can’t tell you anything because I really think you are one of the smarter people. I think you would make an excellent manager of people. You have just the right combination of no-bullshit attitude and caring for others, and I think you are very motivated. Plus you have a great sense of humor.

Now we don’t always get what we want initially. You are only 27 year old. I know nothing about your educational background, nor do I know about the job market in Canada. What you can do right now is add to your skill set, just like I take all these stupid exams so in a couple of years I am in a great position. Hobby is ok too but what you want to do is set up a launching pad for yourself.

Everybody has tough days and we all get frustrated at these small problems. Just look at me. I am devastated. I lost one whole year. It isn’t that bad for you. Now snap out of it because this is not you.

I have reasons to believe that if you (not everyone) set your sights on a goal for yourself, you will attain it. You just need to figure out your goal. Once you have a goal then figure out a way to get there. And you are only 27, you have many years to get there. Plus the longer it takes the thinner you’d be when you become a hot, sexy, bitchy, manager. I told you if I ever have my own company, you can be the boss.

Let me know if there’s anything I can do for you.

Trib said...

Malaise is something I'm very familiar with. I think it's more of a free floating emotion looking for something to latch onto. I hope it's just part of being in our twenties, like leaving the dinner table to slam doors was part of being a teen. Life will never be easy. I think each stage will just present unique challenges. Just as we get used to the problem set, it will change. Try to embrace the suck. It's another part of the tapestry of life that I can't even begin to understand. One time when I was feeling like that I went to a piano bar and drank by myself. It was very satisfying.

I know that you already know this stuff, but just know that you're not alone in this.

paul said...

I'd prescribe alcohol.

Jennifer said...

Thanks Yrautca, you're right I do rock, why can't anyone else see it. Call me when you can hire me.
I don't doubt that I'd be able to achieve my goals, if I could figure out what they were.

Trib, I think the malaise is coming to a head at the moment because I'm reading a Douglas Coupland book, not Generation X, but still. Oh, that and I'm in a job where they ask me every week if I'm available to work next week, yes I'm $!%#?%*@#$ available to work next week! Baah!

Paul, you're right, why didn't I read this last night, I could have tucked into a bottle of wine instead of going for a swim. How come I never think of drinking as the solution to problems?

tokyo tintin said...

"i should really look to drugs as the solution to every problem."

aaah, the message book. so much wisdom.

Jennifer said...

Dude, you don't still have the message book do you? I must destroy it before I can have a career in politics! Also I'll have to kill Sly and Tokyo Tintin - loose lips sink ships - and those two have loose lips and loose other things!

tokyo tintin said...

jenni, but of course i still have the message book! i have all of them! how do you expect me to blackmail you and the future supream court justice of the international criminal tribunal in the hague (a.k.a. sarah)?

shall we revel in some of the glory of years gone past? hmmmn, let's see...

"I feel like I'm possessed by the Jackson Five!"
jennifer watson, 2 april 2002

Re: Corn Mazes
"It doesn't seem like a very effective way of making a maze."
Jennifer Watson

and don't forget "QQX" (quee-quiks)

...unless ten million dollars are deposited in the following numbered swiss bank account by six p.m. tomorrow evening, i will be forced to embarass you more.